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NUMBER 128 - DECEMBER 13, 2018


There are people who continue to doubt the claim that the City of Miami is a Banana Republic, but it really is run like a Banana Republic, and the recent unveiling of a Little Havana flag and subsequent events including the naming of Pitbull as the Mayor of Little Havana all point to a paradigm shift in how the City of Miami now operates.

It used to be that if the Mayor or members of the City Commission wanted to present someone with a certificate of appreciation, or an honorarium such as the Key To The City, a request would go to the Mayor's Office of Protocol, where the award would be created, framed and made ready for presentation.

Even the Keys To The City that Regalado's "wife" passed around Spain like trinkets all came from the Office of Protocol.

That practice now seems to have been ended, because when Commissioner "Coco Loco" Carollo gave Pitbull the plaque in the photo above naming him as the Mayor of Little Havana, he did it all on his own.

I discovered this after I saw the above photo and made a public record's request from the Mayor's office for the paperwork creating the honorific title of Mayor of Little Havana

This got me to thinking that since the Mayor, the City Manager, and his fellow commissioners all lack the courage to take Carollo on, then why not go the other way, and instead of just one batshit crazy commissioner doing stupid shit, let's see what would happen if his fellow commissioners would start behaving just like Carollo.

Little Havana is not the only neighborhood in Miami that could benefit from having their own Mayor, and Carollo has several other parts of his District that could also benefit from having their own mayor, honorary or otherwise.

But let's get beyond Carollo and look at the rest of the city.

The whiny high-maintenance white folks in Coconut Grove keep bitching about how great things used to be back in the day, and how the city tricked the Village into voting themselves into the city, so why not make them happy and create the title of Mayor of Coconut Grove to pacify the pissed off rich white people, and then he could create the mayor of Grand Avenue to pacify the pissed off Black folks in the West Grove for all the smoke he's blown up their asses about creating a new West Grove CRA, and all the other unfulfilled promises he's not going to deliver on.

Russell also has the opportunity to create mayorships for Brickell, OMNI, Downtown, Uptown, and Virginia Key.

Then there's good old Willie Gort. Willie doesn't have a lot of opportunities other than creating the Mayor of Allapattah, but depending on whether he stays strong, or rolls over on the contract with the Beckham Group, he might earn the title of Savior of Melreese on his own.

Commissioner Manolo Reyes, who seems to have become an enthralled follower and participant in Carollo antics has all kinds of mayorships he could create starting with the Mayor of Flagami, then the Mayor of West Little Havana, the Mayor of Shenandoah and the Mayor of Silver Bluffs.

How long do you think it would take, and much fun do you think it would be if Reyes named a bunch of old Cubans who hate Carollo to Mayorships in his District, and then we sat back and watched them declare war on the Mayorships in Carollo's District?

You know it would happen.

Commissioner Keon Hardemon has his own opportunities. There's the Mayor of Overtown, the Mayor of Liberty City, the Mayor of Little Haiti, the Mayor of Lemon City, the Mayor of the Upper East Side and the Mayor of Shorecrest all waiting to be created and best of all the thing about creating all these Mayorships is, that they could be auctioned off for real money.

Carollo keeps crying about how the city is going to need to start raising money - which is true in no small part because of all of his flim-flam schemes - so why not action off the various titles to the highest bidder.

Of course, when it comes to dealing with Commissioner Hardemon, you know he'll want the bidders to also provide some "Community Benefits," as part of the deal because that's the kind of guy he is.  

Given the number of potential Mayorships that could be created within the city limits, I could see this turning into big money maker which could become a reality with an MC like Oprah showing up to be the hostess and opening the show with, "You get to be a mayor, and you get to be a mayor, and you get to be a mayor, as long as you got the bucks!"

If batshit crazy Joe Carollo is determined to turn Miami into a real Banana Republic, and the so-called adults in the room are too cowardly to stand up to him, then why not just start running the  the City of Miami ilike a real Banana Republic, create a reality show, and start broadcasting the commission meetings with TV ads.

If it's good enough for a 7th grader, why not you?  


Now this needs a little explanation, so stay with me.  

The Resolution above is intended to give away $100,000 of the city's anti-poverty money as a grant - in plain English that means a gift - to a non-profit called the IMPAC Fund, and to do so without this "gift" being awarded through any sort of competitive process.

What is this IMAC Fund? Their website indicates that they are a politically active, lobbying organization working in support of immigration issues.

This is a group of people that you would expect to see in a photo giving money to a city to help therm deal with their housing and employment problems and not the other way around.

To be clear, Francis Suarez is not the first politician in Miami to try and use the anti-poverty money at their disposal as a slush fund, because they all do it, but in this case we're not talking about giving a couple thousand dollars to some hustler who shows up at city hall talking about giving money to, "my people," but to a couple BILLIONAIRES, and numerous MULTI-MILLIONAIRES who created an organization whose first and foremost activity is to lobby - as clearly evidenced by their website, and how well-meaning some folks might believe those efforts are - and I, along with a lot of other folks who up to now weren't even aware of any of this would argue that because their principal function is an advocacy group that lobbies the federal government they don't need taxpayer money, regardless what else they might be up to.

It's Miami, Bitches!

I have no problem with this organization, or what they do.

The immigration fight in this country has caused more problems than it has solved by engaging in racial and ethnic politics to keep people from entering this country in recent years, and I would support any effort to stop the constant bullshit attacks on the DREAMERS and let them stay once and for all, and would also support locking up some of the employees of ICE who have without any question done very serious harm to the little children who have been separated from their parents as a result of the Trump policies - and make no mistake about it, you can absolutely bet your house that some children have been subjected to physical and sexual abuse, and others to psychological damage that will stay with them the rest of their lives at the hands of people who had no business being anywhere near one of these internment camps!

Having said all that however, the notion that the Mayor of the City of Miami would think that it is appropriate, or even smart to give away $100,000 of what little money the city has in anti-poverty funds to help underwrite any activity managed by a group like this - regardless of how well meaning the explanation is made to sound - is absolutely a misguided effort that in this instance should be seen as nothing more than an effort to use taxpayer dollars by this mayor to ingratiate himself with the members of the board of directors of this group, which just incidentally include folks like Jose Mas, the CEO of Mastec, and Michael Fernandez, both billionaires, along with a collection of other rich folks who he figures he can suck up to with this kind of move.

Below is the Board of Directors page that I lifted from their website.

Take a look and see how many folks you recognize as folks that a suck up like Francis Suarez would happily spend taxpayer money trying to ingratiate himself with..