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NUMBER 30 - FEBRUARY 6, 2020

Copyrighted:  2011,2012, 2013, 2014, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, 2020

Imagine, a candle that smells like a vagina, and that countless people are willing to spend $75 in order to get a wiff.

Is Gwyneth Paltrow a genius? Are the people buying this candle morons? Is this one more sign that the end of the world is nigh?

What the fuck!?!

Will someone else come out with a candle and call it, This Smells Like My Asshole?

I've always had a weakness for high-maintenance women because the ones I was lucky enough to play with always smelled good and tasted good - although low-maintenance women smell and taste good too - but before I would ever plunk down money for a vagina scented candle I'd like to make sure that I'm not buying a candle that smells like some other woman's vagina.

Therefore, I think it's only fair that Gwyneth prove that her vagina and the candle smell the same.

For the sake of truth, justice and sweet smelling vaginas everywhere. I'm happily willing to volunteer myself as an impartial sniffer to verify that the smell of lovely Gwyneth's candle is authentic and worth $75.

If any of Crespogram readers know her, let her know that my nose is  twitching in anticipation.

It's Miami, Bitches!